Here are some funny jokes that I collected from Reader's Digest. Hoping that everyone can have a good laugh.
1. The spinal column is a long buch of bones. The head sits on top and you sit on the bottom.
2. Customer-service reps repeat the same tired phrases so often that we can do the job in our sleep. We hear a beep telling us a customer’son the line, and we are on. I never knew how this humdrum routine affected us until a co-worker had heart surgery. She was coming to, following her operation, when she heard the beep of the heart monitor. In her anesthetized stupor, she groggily said, “This is Sue. Can I help you?”
3. A friend spent more than two hours in the salon getting her hair colored, cut and blow-dried. After all that, was it too much to ask to be treated like Cinderella entering the ball? Yet when she went to the desk to pay, the receptionist said to her, “Hello, Madam, who is your appointment with today?”
4. Our four-year-old daughter, Nancy, contemplated a bouquet of flowers she held as we rode to her grandfather’s funeral. “Will Grandpa turn into a flower?” she asked, looking at the blooms. “Why, yes, dear, that’s a lovely thought,” replied her grandmother. Nancy scrutinized her bouquet a minute longer and, with a puzzled look, said, “Who are all these people?”
5. Because my mother had a habit of losing her cordless phone, I bought her a phone with a clip on it so she could attach it directly to her pants. A few days later, I walked into my mother’s home and found her standing in the middle of the living room, halfway dressed. That didn’t strike me as odd so much as the fact that she was holding her pants to the side of her head and speaking into them. “Don’t look at me that way,” she yelled. “The phone was ringing, and I couldn’t figure out how to undo this clip!”
6. A couple of attorneys walk into a diner, order drinks and pull lunches from their briefcases. “Sorry,” the bartender says, “but you can’t eat your own food here.” The guys look at each other, shrug their shoulders and swap sandwiches.
7. One of the reasons I like my new lady friend is her good taste. She thinks I am handsome and is not shy about sharing her opinion with others. At 74 years old, I naturally felt flattered. But my ego trip ended when I drove her to the DMV to renew her license. She didn’t get it. She failed the eye test.
8. Here’s all you need to know about the different relationships a guy has with his wife and his mother. I bought two ceiling fans, one for our home and one for my parents. While installing our fans, I had to stand on a chair on my tiptoes. As she watched my struggle, my wife let me know the reason for my troubles: “You’re too short.” Later, my mother watched me on my tiptoes as I was installing the other fan for my parents. Her comment: ”The chair’s too short.”
9. I was scribbling my name on the receipt for my credit-card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed the back of my card. Before she could complete the transaction, she said I would have to sign it.
“Why?” I asked.
“So I can compare the signature on the card with the one on your receipt.”
Fair enough. I signed it. She picked up the card and the receipt, and studied both signatures. As luck would have it, they matched.
10. My infant son and I sat in front of the TV, hostages to my husband’s channel-surfing. He eventually settled on an R-rated movie in which the actress was soon topless.
“Honey, change the channel,” I said, shielding my son’s eyes. “He shouldn’t see this.”
“It’s okay,” my husband replied. “He probably thinks it’s the Food Network.”
1. The spinal column is a long buch of bones. The head sits on top and you sit on the bottom.
2. Customer-service reps repeat the same tired phrases so often that we can do the job in our sleep. We hear a beep telling us a customer’son the line, and we are on. I never knew how this humdrum routine affected us until a co-worker had heart surgery. She was coming to, following her operation, when she heard the beep of the heart monitor. In her anesthetized stupor, she groggily said, “This is Sue. Can I help you?”
3. A friend spent more than two hours in the salon getting her hair colored, cut and blow-dried. After all that, was it too much to ask to be treated like Cinderella entering the ball? Yet when she went to the desk to pay, the receptionist said to her, “Hello, Madam, who is your appointment with today?”
4. Our four-year-old daughter, Nancy, contemplated a bouquet of flowers she held as we rode to her grandfather’s funeral. “Will Grandpa turn into a flower?” she asked, looking at the blooms. “Why, yes, dear, that’s a lovely thought,” replied her grandmother. Nancy scrutinized her bouquet a minute longer and, with a puzzled look, said, “Who are all these people?”
5. Because my mother had a habit of losing her cordless phone, I bought her a phone with a clip on it so she could attach it directly to her pants. A few days later, I walked into my mother’s home and found her standing in the middle of the living room, halfway dressed. That didn’t strike me as odd so much as the fact that she was holding her pants to the side of her head and speaking into them. “Don’t look at me that way,” she yelled. “The phone was ringing, and I couldn’t figure out how to undo this clip!”
6. A couple of attorneys walk into a diner, order drinks and pull lunches from their briefcases. “Sorry,” the bartender says, “but you can’t eat your own food here.” The guys look at each other, shrug their shoulders and swap sandwiches.
7. One of the reasons I like my new lady friend is her good taste. She thinks I am handsome and is not shy about sharing her opinion with others. At 74 years old, I naturally felt flattered. But my ego trip ended when I drove her to the DMV to renew her license. She didn’t get it. She failed the eye test.
8. Here’s all you need to know about the different relationships a guy has with his wife and his mother. I bought two ceiling fans, one for our home and one for my parents. While installing our fans, I had to stand on a chair on my tiptoes. As she watched my struggle, my wife let me know the reason for my troubles: “You’re too short.” Later, my mother watched me on my tiptoes as I was installing the other fan for my parents. Her comment: ”The chair’s too short.”
9. I was scribbling my name on the receipt for my credit-card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed the back of my card. Before she could complete the transaction, she said I would have to sign it.
“Why?” I asked.
“So I can compare the signature on the card with the one on your receipt.”
Fair enough. I signed it. She picked up the card and the receipt, and studied both signatures. As luck would have it, they matched.
10. My infant son and I sat in front of the TV, hostages to my husband’s channel-surfing. He eventually settled on an R-rated movie in which the actress was soon topless.
“Honey, change the channel,” I said, shielding my son’s eyes. “He shouldn’t see this.”
“It’s okay,” my husband replied. “He probably thinks it’s the Food Network.”