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silverbullet

"Bạn Thân"

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#31 — 20.05.2007 03:12

Trích đoạn: NuHiepDeThuong

The Perfect Worker
.....

Welcome back NHDT, [sm=44.gif][sm=rose.gif]

Very good report writing technique... hihihi...

1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found

3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
13 executed as soon as possible.

....

14 Bob Smith is very well recommended by your report. Thank you,

15 and the perfect worker (report) is executed. It is done, "comrade" !

This "writing & reading between the lines" technique could be a good idea for someone who is living under the SOG (son of gun) to communicate.

All the best,

SILVER BULLET, a straightforward solution gives extreme effectiveness.

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silverbullet

"Bạn Thân"

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#32 — 20.05.2007 06:07 (đã sửa)

<Bài viết đã được chỉnh sửa lúc 2007-05-20 06:08:54silverbullet>

DA VINCI CODE
[/align]
Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols:

It was considered a unique find and the writings were said to be at least
three thousand years old!

The piece of stone was removed, brought to the museum, and archaeologists
from around the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge
meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings.

The President of the society pointed to first drawing and said: "This is a
woman. We can see these people held women in high esteem. You can also tell
they were intelligent, as the next symbol is a donkey, so they were smart
enough to have animals help them till the soil. The next drawing is a
shovel, which means they had tools to help them."

Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that
if a famine hit the earth and food didn't grow, they seek food from the sea.
The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were
evidently Hebrews.

The audience applauded enthusiastically.

Then a little old Jewish man stood up in the back of the room and said,
"You Idiots, Hebrew is read from right to left......
It says: "Holy Mackerel, Dig The Ass On That Chick"

📎 Davinci

SILVER BULLET, a straightforward solution gives extreme effectiveness.

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silverbullet

"Bạn Thân"

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#33 — 25.07.2007 08:45 (đã sửa)

<Bài viết đã được chỉnh sửa lúc 2007-07-25 08:56:45silverbullet>

We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons,"     where :-) means a smile and :( is a frown. Well, how about some   "assicons" ?  Here they are:

     (_!_)         a regular ass
     (__!__)      a fat ass
     (!)            a tight ass
     (_._)        a flat ass
     (_ )           a bubble ass
     (_*_)        a sore ass
     (_!__)       a lop-sided ass
     [_!_]         a swishy ass
     (_$_)        this ass will cost you
     (_o_)        this ass costs a lot less
     (_/_)         an asian ass
     (_ )         a latin ass
     (_*_)        a French ass
     (_x_)        kiss my ass
     (_X_)         leave my ass alone
     (_zzz_)      a tired ass
     (_oo_)       an ass built for two
     (_o=F4_)    a wise ass
     (_13_)       an unlucky ass
     (_Y_)        an ass that can't say No
     (_Q_)        tongue in cheek
     (_<_)        this ass belongs to someone
     (_v_)        an ass with hemorrhoids
     (_w_)        an ass with really bad hemorrhoids

All men are idiots ... I married their king.

SILVER BULLET, a straightforward solution gives extreme effectiveness.

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silverbullet

"Bạn Thân"

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#34 — 26.07.2007 05:03

Work. A Retrospective...

* A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.

* Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

* You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

* When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.

* Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."

* To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.

* There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over.

* If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

* When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

* The longer the title, the less important the job.

* Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.

SILVER BULLET, a straightforward solution gives extreme effectiveness.

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silverbullet

"Bạn Thân"

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#35 — 26.07.2007 05:29 (đã sửa)

<Bài viết đã được chỉnh sửa lúc 2007-07-26 05:34:52silverbullet>

A Summer Skirt Situation...

As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, a lovely looking woman became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't.

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step. Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.

With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"

The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we were friends."

SILVER BULLET, a straightforward solution gives extreme effectiveness.

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silverbullet

"Bạn Thân"

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#36 — 26.07.2007 05:41

You Bet Your Life...

Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.

He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10:00 news was now on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a tall building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?" Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump."

The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."

Bob placed $20 on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset and handed her $20 to Bob, saying, "fair's fair. Here's your money."

Bob replied, "I can't take your money; I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and so I knew he would jump."

The blonde replied, "I did too, but I didn't think he'd do it again!"

Bob took the money.

SILVER BULLET, a straightforward solution gives extreme effectiveness.

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silverbullet

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#37 — 29.07.2007 18:22 (đã sửa)

<Bài viết đã được chỉnh sửa lúc 2007-07-30 03:44:08silverbullet>

Girls Night Out...

The other night, I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight. "I promise," were my last words.

The hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily and around 3 a.m. we piled into a cab and headed to our respective homes, quite inebriated.

Just as I walked through the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times!

Realizing that my husband would probably wake up to this, I quickly cuckooed another 9 times. I was quit pleased with myself for coming up with such a quick witted solution to cover up my tardiness. Even with my impaired judgment, I could count 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos equaled 12 cuckoos!

The next morning, my husband asked me what time I got in, and confidently, I replied, "Midnight...like I promised." He didn't even raise and eyebrow and went on reading the morning paper! Phew! Got away with that one!

After a moment, he then replied, "I think we might need a new cuckoo clock."

A bit nervously, I asked him why, to which he responded:

"Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said, 'Oh, crap,' cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, then tripped over the coffee table and farted."

*****

Did someone in VNTQ have the experience described above? I wonder!

SILVER BULLET, a straightforward solution gives extreme effectiveness.

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